I think my vagina is haunted
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
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