The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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