dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
