I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize