i would punch a child for taco bell
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
