I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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