These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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