god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i love accidental penises.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
