and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
