I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
