is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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