shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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