If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
