DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
3pm strippers are depressing
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
