So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
