It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
