the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
