I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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