I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
