im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
