i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
