chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
