Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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