If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
