Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
