Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
