my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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