Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
