yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
