I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i believe in u and ur pee
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
