Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
