omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize