girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
