maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
