You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
