I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just want to make out with him forever
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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