she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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