I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
