Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
