Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
