Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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