I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
