You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize