Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
