I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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