then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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