Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
