too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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