A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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