Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
