Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize