This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
