Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
