I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
