so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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