First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
