im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I wear drunk well.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
