I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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