one might say we're banned from that church
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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