He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
