Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
