How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
did you just send me my own nude
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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