Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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