He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
