Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
