The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
