wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
