i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize